So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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