i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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