You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come on in and take your pants off
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