They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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