I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
