Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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