Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
