I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
