dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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