Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
