He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
