how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
