I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
