we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
