Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
