wakey wakey hands off snakey
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
