Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
