sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
