When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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