Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
