Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm passing your future prison.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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