Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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