Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
