I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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