my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
