Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
