my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
