I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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