Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
