i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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