I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
