I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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