You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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