Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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