We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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