can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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