you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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