Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
