apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
