once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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