i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
