If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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