Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
