my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
