i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
