hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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