Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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