garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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