I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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