sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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