I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My liver just broke up with me...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
