We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
