I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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