We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
