If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
