Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize