I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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