Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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