Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
