so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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