I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
