I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
