i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
