Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
