i think i scared a bird with my dick
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
