Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize