I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
