guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
